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Donita Sue Fry

Lesson 4 – The Warrior

Goal: Learn about how healing from anger and abuse create peace with the past and welcomed responsibility for the future.

Activity: In this lesson, the warrior is observed as the courage to forgive and develop a new ability.

Donita Fry knew of how to be a warrior from a very young age.  She stood up for her brothers with the principal when growing up.  She learned about fighting.  As she began to experience the verbal abuse, the messages of domestic violence surfaced. It was what she had learned.  It was what she knew. She learned how to become the abuser, being the warrior in the only way she understood.

“When I had anger inside of me and when I wanted to act out to my husband, I acted out to hit, to kick; to feed my anger in that manner.  I have been incarcerated for domestic violence a couple of times.”

Review the following questions and consider for a moment what messages you grew up with and what you believe.

  1. 1. What is a warrior?
  2. 2. How does one fight isolation and aloneness?
  3. 3. What messages did I receive as a child about standing up for myself?
  4. 4. How do I cope with my anger?
  5. 5. How do I cope with feelings of injustice?

Forgiveness

Donita Fry shares of hearing a gentleman talk about forgiveness for his abuser.  Some comments are paraphrased from her sharing.  Read them and identify if you agree or disagree.

  1. 1. People only operate from their ability.
  2. 2. If all I know is abuse, then that is what I know and will do.
  3. 3. It is possible to open my mind and move beyond abuse
  4. 4. I am responsible for what ability I bring to the table.
  5. 5. Something has set me on this path but it doesn’t mean that I have to stay there.
  6. 6. I have the ability to reconcile what has caused me to act a particular way.

Find a good friend or a therapist to share your opinions to explore the possibilities of changed offered.

“Part of the healing journey is learning how to forgive myself abandoning my children when they needed me; the awful ways I behaved. That is in the past so how do I forgive myself?  It makes it much easier to be understanding or forgiving. I have that ability and now I have the responsibility. You have to be the change you want to be.”